As a part of our series about “Emotional Intelligence, I had the pleasure of interviewing Bonnie Frankel.

Bonnie is known for implementing emotional intelligence in her coaching skills. She was one of the 10% women that were head coaches for both sexes in a division one collegiate sport. Applying empathy with motivation, she ended Loyola Marymount University’s long-time stay in the cellar in her second season which baffled the other coaches as they shamed their teams for losing to us.

Thank you so much for joining us in this interview series! Before we dive into the main focus of our interview, our readers would love to “get to know you” a bit better. Can you tell us a bit about your childhood backstory?

My parents parented by implementing the emotions characteristic of authoritarian/ alexithymia (emotional blindness) as oppose to using Emotional intelligence. They governed from a distance because of their difficulty in feeling and expressing their emotions caused by their being self-absorbed, and not empathetic to my needs. How did I respond to their method? By gradually developing: self-awareness, self-regulation, motivation, empathy, and social skills to strengthen myself by ameliorating my communication skills in setting boundaries, seek outside support, and eventually took a proactive approach of self-care to secure my emotional well-being. By using these skills characteristic of emotional intelligence, I was intrinsically motivated by things beyond external rewards as in fame, money, recognition, and acclaim. My passion to fulfill my own self-generated internal motivation was to achieve inner needs and goals for internal rewards also known as intrinsic motivation and utilize to this day. During my second chapter, I was able to rebuild a healthier foundation which facilitated a more fulfilling relationship with my dad. Using self-awareness primed me to reflect on my own emotions and the impact it would have on my behavior as well as with others. Using self-reflection guided me to apply the following methods to balance my emotions which included: practicing mindfulness by exercising, deep breathing exercises, drawing, and journaling. By engaging in these activities, I was able to optimize my growing up years with the ability to maintain them by managing my emotions which extended to being kindhearted to others.

What or who inspired you to pursue your career? We’d love to hear the story.

Timing, coupled with being open to engaging in something new. I unexpectedly found passion through exercising by taking a running class in the throes of my new chapter. This long -awaited period was beginning to unfold initiating a long-term love affair in the field of achieving fitness: physically emotionally/mentally. I applied my self-introspection while running towards self- reflection which enabled me to process what I learned. One of my earlier coaches inspired me to take my passion and talent to the next level. She was the assistant coach on Tommie Smith’s track and field/cross-country team. Marie Murphy was an Olympian Marathon runner who encouraged me after I graduated Santa Monica College to continue my passion to grow into an elite runner. After graduating from Loyola Marymount University, I launched her advice and hooked up with the late Coach Pat Cady, who was head coach of Santa Monica High School, and the infamous Santa Monica Track Club. I served as his assistant coach and trained with his high school teams, and he coached me with the likes of other elite runners/ Olympians as one of the coaches for the Santa Monica Track Club. His goal for me was to set a world record in USATF Masters Track and Field in my age-group, mine was to qualify for the Olympic Trials.

None of us can achieve success without some help along the way. Was there a particular person who you feel gave you the most help or encouragement to be who you are today? Can you share a story about that?

The late Richard Kampman; head track and field/ cross-country coach at University High, Pepperdine University and an Olympian coach and the late coach Patrick Cady; head track and field/cross country coach at Santa Monica High School, and track and field coach of the infamous Santa Monica Track Club, and an Olympian coach were both inspirational in my career. They were both motivational serving as skillful leaders implementing emotional intelligence in their teachings. When I took over the helm at Loyola Marymount University as head-cross country coach for men/women, Rich and I would organize our schedules for our two teams to race. I had such great admiration as others did and was over the moon when he unexpectedly remarked,” Bonnie, people go to school to learn what you know innately, you have the spirit of being a great coach.” When my team beat his team, he said, “Are you sure the course was measured correctly?” My reply, “Of course.” Loyola’s cross-country team’s reputation was turning around its image to be a force to be reckoned with. The late Pat Cady had earned a reputation as being one of the most empathetic, motivational, and skilled l coaches that helped me acquire the knack of the art of coaching as well as the best coach I had experienced in my running career. He applied all the components that compose Emotional intelligence from his experiences as a runner, a history teacher, and as a sincere human being educating others. Coach Cady served as a role model for me to accept the opportunity to go on my own to become head cross-country coach at Loyola Marymount University. These exceptional leaders, were the then gentlemen of coaching in the world of running, and I was grateful to benefit from their extraordinary techniques.

Can you share the funniest or most interesting mistake that occurred to you in the course of your career? What lesson or take away did you learn from that?

Coaching independently various age groups, or under supervision by the educational school system, I discovered that this was not my niche. As much as I thought I might emulate my mentors, “on hands” coaching was not the right medium for me. I resonated with the past Laker coach, Phil Jackson, comparing his coaching experience to the likes of babysitting. When I realized this, I licked my wounds and decided to try another method of coaching others by challenging myself to writing a book. The book is about motivating others to find the right exercise by developing a theory for the purpose of lifting the reader’s spirits as well as reinventing their lifestyle. Once the book was completed, I hired a publicist to help me promote the book during Covid lockdown, Bonnie’s Theory — Finding the Right Exercise. By taking a chance on her method of getting the media’s attention, I began the unfamiliar process of writing whereas in my past struggled through in my college years. Writing blogs and articles to motivate others which included various parts of my life story and the affect running contributed to elevating my approach to thrive in my newly reinvented style of coaching. Unexpectedly, writing extended into other subjects, and through research and experience played an integral holistic role in a variety of theories and subjects that are essential practices to learn what improve our lives. You never know in life what you think is a probability, turns into a to a better possibility.

The road to success is hard and requires tremendous dedication. This question is obviously a big one, but what advice would you give to a young person who aspires to follow in your footsteps and emulate your success?

Follow your passion, be fearless, being resilient, and use the skills that are components of Emotional intelligence. Walk your walk, talk your talk. Engage in the following: focus on setting clear achievable goals with a passionate/positive, attitude, and embrace continuous learning, search for opportunities to grow, manage your time effectively, build strong and trustworthy relationships, be open to feedback, be flexible when challenges occur, learn from your mistakes to attain success, and adopt a different approach if needed. It is essential to take risks in life because you never know where that will lead.

Is there a particular book, film, or podcast that made a significant impact on you? Can you share a story or explain why it resonated with you so much?

The films: Rudy and Forrest Gump reaffirmed my belief with implementing the blend of the ingredients that compose Emotional intelligence coupled with the passion was the key to fulfilling your own self-generated internal motivation, your inner needs and goals. Both of these leaders possessed perseverance and resilience providing an inspirational message about the importance of continuing to forge ahead despite the obstacles — faced using the skill — believing in yourself. Rudy portrayed a character that believed in himself and worked endlessly to overcome his adversities with his size and learning disability. The craft of being resilient serves to never lose sight of fulfilling a dream, surround yourself with the right people and adopt the concept of that success will prevail when you don’t succumb to adversity. Forrest Gump depicts the importance of doing hard work without expecting a payback. His character teaches how our destiny comes from the result of how we use the opportunities which leads to new journeys with our hopes, dreams, and wishes. Both of these characters I can identify with. The key message is to get better, not bitter when adversity hits me between the eyes because one thing will lead to a more desirable wonderful path. Forrest Gump used his athletic abilities as a coping mechanism to restructure his life supporting his way of handling the challenges in navigating his life. I have and continue to do fulfill my inner needs in my own journey as these two role models did. When I was fortunate to discover my passion of running competing with youngsters, changing an NCAA eligibility rule for women, wanting to qualify for the Olympic Trials, people would remark that it couldn’t be done because no one ever accomplished these feats. Even though I didn’t attain one of my goals, it was not from the lack of self-belief, talent, or skill, but the absence of a normal hip. I never let a challenge or adversity prevent me from going for it, where there’s a will, there is a way. If I should fail, I will FLOURISH.

Can you share your favorite “Life Lesson Quote”? Why does that resonate with you so much?

“But feelings can’t be ignored, no matter how unjust or ungrateful they seem.” Anne Franke. It’s a reminder that if your emotions appear unreasonable or best not be felt in a particular situation, you still need to acknowledge and address them. I tend to deny my emotion s, but instinctually know they are real experiences and do exist. When I exercise, it heightens the elements of Emotional intelligence simultaneously releasing my pent-up emotions which gives me the opportunity to create better choices by achieving and maintaining healthy fitness.

What are some of the most interesting or exciting projects you are working on now? How do you think that might help people?

Beginning a new book on how exercising plays an essential role in using Emotional intelligence. Through researching on other subject matters, I was amazed to discover other dimensions where exercise influences our emotions in navigating our life’s skills. I also discovered from researching, how exercise strengthens the clout emotional intelligence paints. Many of us do not realize that by innately choosing an exercise you resonate best with sprinkles joy in all areas of your life.

OK, thank you for all of that. Let’s now shift to the core focus of our interview. Can you briefly tell our readers a bit about why you are an authority about Emotional Intelligence?

I possess extensive knowledge and life experience with my ability to understand and manage my own emotions, recognizing and responding to the emotions of others, and apply these skills effectively in various situations, particularly in leadership roles. When I am in authority of the many activities I am in charge of, this often requires me to use the holistic method of EI. Using this beneficial tool assists me to build a better me, improve relationships, resolve conflicts, and motivates teams to work effectively. Through the exploring extensive research, professional training, my coaching experience my writings, or a proven track record of exercising emotional intelligence to achieve a positive outcome in my personal as well as my professional life.

For the benefit of our readers, can you help to define what Emotional Intelligence is?

The ability to recognize, comprehend, and manage your own emotions as well as the ability to understand and influence the effect emotions foster on others. The knowledge that emotions drive behaviors and impact people in a positive or a negative way. It is comprised of two components: intrapersonal skills (personal competence) and interpersonal skills (social competence). The intrapersonal intelligence represents the ability to understand and manage one’s own emotions, thoughts, and behaviors. This involves self-awareness, self-regulation, and adaptability. Interpersonal intelligence is the ability to understand and navigate the emotions of others by embracing the elements of empathy, social awareness, and relationship management skills. EI is a modernized game changer personally and professionally. The exciting part in today’s evolving technology, one of the primary benefits of integrating EI into AI is the enhancement of human-AI interaction.

How is Emotional Intelligence different from what we normally refer to as intelligence?

Emotional intelligence is more centered on an individual’s ability to handle emotions, including their own as well as others and is germane to various aspects of our life, including personal and professional situations. Your EI encompasses your emotional abilities and social skills which includes: cognitive empathy, emotional regulation, and motivations. IQ measures your cognitive and intellectual skills, which includes your working memory, analytical thinking, and knowledge retention. Does IQ and EI correlate? Having a high IQ does not automatically indicate a high EI. Having a high EI may reveal a high or average IQ and predict success at work rather than using IQ alone. An IQ can predict academic success, but does not guarantee it would lead to success in life whereas EI predicts success and effectiveness in life.

Can you help explain a few reasons why Emotional Intelligence is such an important characteristic? Can you share a story or give some examples?

Emotions can lead you to take action without thinking. Possessing the skill of EI can assist you to avoid those situations when you just act on impulse as opposed to fact. Understanding and managing your emotions and others can assist in attaining success in your personal and professional life. The importance of EI wields a large role in most peoples’ life which includes: managing emotions when feeling stressed or overwhelmed, having difficult conversations without hurting other people’s feelings, improving relationships with others especially when there is conflict, and COACHING AND MOTIVATING OTHERS. With AI in the process of taking over more routine and analytical tasks, the softer skills of Emotional intelligence — empathy, communication and motivation — are crucial for managers and employees alike. It provides solutions to potential issues that arise from AI, as in a job displacement and dehumanization. In an ever-changing world, EI ensures that human connections complement technological progress for optimal outcomes. With the rise of AI, EI proves indispensable particularly in leadership because business leaders need to prioritize EI to navigate complex team dynamics effectively.

Would you feel comfortable sharing a story or anecdote about how Emotional Intelligence has helped you in your life? We would love to hear about it.

Before I fly off the handle or feel sorry for myself, I apply the components that are included in Emotional Intelligence through mindfulness which includes: Self-awareness, self-regulation, motivation, empathy, social skills. When I am aware that circumstances trigger a restimulation of an emotion, I go to my self-regulation to adjust my emotion which gives me the ability to create a more positive effect even if it is a small one as I acknowledge that my emotions have a strong effect on others. In my writing, on occasion return to the past, go to the present, and contemplate what the future has in store for me because there are patterns that recycle in my life. If I get stuck in a funk, and want to lash out, I use motivation to help me promote a different feeling to challenge me to go engage in a new goal that is fresh which detracts my dispirited soul. Empathy, is the powerhouse tool that assists me to stop and think before I put my foot in my mouth to regret later as it nudges me to take a pause from a situation allowing a break to occur to view it from a different light. There were and are many times I want to tell a client off, but my gut acknowledges that he/she is visibly stressed, it’s not me, it’s them, enabling me to react with empathy. Last but not least, social skills. When I am about to pounce on another, I remind myself to listen, speak, and try my best to resolve conflicts to reach a balance just by using my skill in active listening. Social skills are very useful not only in the work environment but in our personal life. In the beginning of my married life, my husband would ritually come home and complain about his day, after all he listened to his patients devoting his heartfelt/medical attention to them. I responded to this ritual by giving him five minutes to complain because the length of the negativity gives it too much power and you are stuck in a vicious cycle of negativity accomplishing nothings. I gave him five minutes, and called time. The pattern was crushed, and sang a different tune.

Can you share some specific examples of how Emotional Intelligence can help a person become more successful in the business world?

EI builds stronger customer connections because emotionally intelligent employees are better equipped to read and respond to customers’ emotional cues, build rapport, and provide personalized — empathetic service. Putting this in motion, creates loyalty and trust which are important for long-term business success. It also creates a positive work culture because an emotionally intelligent workplace is one where people feel valued, understood, and supported. When implemented, it leads to a higher job satisfaction, lower turnover, and a more positive as well as a winsome work environment which increases productivity and performance. The employees are able to manage stress, maintain focus, and adapt to changing circumstances — all of which contribute to higher productivity and better overall performance. Win, win situation.

Can you share a few examples of how Emotional Intelligence can help people have better relationships?

Emotional Intelligence is the buzzword in the workforce and is applicable to your personal life. It is the secret of insuring lasting intimate relationships because it makes us extremely aware of changes — large and small — that repeatedly occur in ourselves and others. When you build your EI, you possess the sensitivity that each of us is always seeking with a significant other. By understanding your emotions and how to control them, you are better able to express how you feel and understand how others are feeling. This allows you to not only communicate more effectively but build healthier, stronger relationships personally and professionally. EI enhances decision-making by anchoring it in self-awareness and empathy, enabling you to manage stress, control impulses, foster relationships, and encourages active listening. It truly is the heart and soul of making effective choices. Self-regulation controls impulsive reactions, think before you act out. In short, you can better deem the needs, concerns, and motivations by allowing you to adjust your communication and approach accordingly. This cultivates a sense of trust and rapport which is functional and fundamental for success with influencers.

Can you share a few examples of how Emotional Intelligence can help people have more optimal mental health?

By enabling individuals to better manage stress, improve communication skills, build healthier relationships, practice self-care through the awareness of their emotions, and respond to challenges with greater resilience which ultimately leads to better emotional, mental, and physical state of health. When you utilize EI., it is frequently associated with better physical health because it leads to habits that are more conducive to well-being so that you avoid harmful behaviors during stressful times, and excessive indulgence in damaging habits.

Ok. Wonderful. Here is the main question of our interview. Can you recommend five things that anyone can do to develop a greater degree of Emotional Intelligence? Please share a story or example for each.

1 . Exercise — “Awareness is a key component in effective fitness regime.” Regular exercise can help to strengthen the connection between your mind and body, promoting an awesome sense of self-awareness. When you engage in physical activity, you become more attuned to the signals your body sends, perhaps a sensation of fatigue, tension, or relaxation. Favorably confirmed, physical activity improves the levels of self-efficacy, self-esteem, and body awareness. It provides a strong, trained mind making it easier to attain fitness, achieve our goals, with no extra effort required. Grasping this, getting motivated to exercise should be a want to, not a have to. Even though I don’t compete, my first priority is to exercise to assess the state of my emotions. The endorphins help the mind to define our relationships with our body, our approach to fitness, engagement with exercise, and ultimately, the way we apply this vitality to every- day life. This is why I exercise and it is my way of implementing mindfulness.

2 . Practice Active Listening — Communication verbally and nonverbally listening and watching for potentially positive and negative reactions. When we take the time to listen to others, it indicates a level of respect that can form a bond of trust that form the foundation for healthy relationships. Ask questions, nod, or repeating back important points to show that you are showing that you are in the present moment with them. When I listen to a client, they know that I am fully engage with their concerns, because my eyes don’t disconnect from theirs. By doing this, it builds a trust and shows that I truly understand their thoughts and feelings. Always allow feedback from others. When my next-door neighbor expressed his pain, yet embarrassed by crying in front of me, I felt his pain and it restimulated my own sense of discomfort. I expressed to him to go have a good cry and knew that would put him in a better place to make better decisions in his life.

3 . Writing– When you have down time, reflect on how your interactions went whether it be in your work place or in your personal relationships. By incorporating this exercise into you daily routine, you can enhance your self-awareness, self-regulation, empathy, and understanding. Documenting with the written word is a way to embark on a transformative journey toward EI. Handwriting can assist you to understand your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors. It serves as a permanent means to identify patterns, strengths, weaknesses, and areas for growth that you wouldn’t be privy to by keeping them in your mind or chatting about them. And they ARE WRITTEN IN STONE.

4 . Practice Self-Awareness — Just by paying close attention to your own emotions and emotional responses to those around you can do the job. It all starts with this element for it is the foundation of EI, and it builds from there. I am always in motion practicing this method to be more confident and more creative. This allows me to make better decisions, build stronger relationships, and communicate more effectively. These are some of the activities I use: curious of what makes me tick, look in the mirror, keep a journal in what triggers positive feelings, make more room for people time than screen time, and sense as well as ask how others are feeling.

5 . Cultivate Empathy — The ability to understand myself as well as others with the ability to share coming from a good place. Being able to see the world from another person’s viewpoint. Incorporating this skilled tool in your world, you are fully qualified to direct your undivided attention to focus on what others are experiencing. Exchange your usual day to day rituals to newly created routines because when you go to new places and cultures, it gives you a better appreciation for others. Challenge yourself to get out of your comfort zone and this can include learning a new skill, develop a new professional competency, visit a place you have been yearning to go or just help another. These suggestions not only shift your perspectives, but empowers compassion.

Do you think our educational system can do a better job at cultivating Emotional Intelligence? What specific recommendations would you make for schools to help students cultivate Emotional Intelligence?

Yes, the role of the educators plays a central role in fostering EI within the classroom by formulating interactive activities inclined to group discussions, role-playing exercises, and mindfulness practices. This can be implemented by using open communication, role-playing exercises, and other heedful practices. These initiatives not only enhance academic performance but contributes to the overall well-being of the students. EI encourages students to help another with an emphasis with a new student or one who possesses special needs. This will build a sense of responsibility and help learn valuable lessons about how to treat others. It is paramount that the system hires educators that practice emotional intelligence so they can teach it to their students. The way forward is not without its challenges. Educators and institutions must navigate various obstacles, including resource constraints, resistance to change, and the need for comprehensive teacher training programs. To make this possible, a collective effort from educational influencers, policymakers, and communities to recognize the pivotal role EI plays in shaping the future of not only education but our society as a whole. The educational institutions must continue to prioritize the development of EI by fostering an environment that values empathy, self-awareness, and interpersonal skills. Educators can instill in students the values necessary for success, resilience, and meaningful contribution to their community. In this fashion, the holistic development of students empowers them to become compassionate, resilient, and adaptable individuals preparing them to thrive in an ever-evolving world.

Ok, we are nearly done. You are a person of great influence. If you could inspire a movement that would bring the most amount of good for the greatest number of people, what would that be? You never know what your idea can trigger.

Emotional Intelligence is a holistic form of uniting our world.

We are very blessed that some of the biggest names in Business, VC funding, Sports, and Entertainment read this column. Is there a person in the world, or in the US, whom you would love to have a private breakfast or lunch with, and why? He or she might just see this, especially if we both tag them 🙂

Steve Kerr, basketball coach of the Golden State Warriors